Download E-books Badass: The Birth of a Legend: Spine-Crushing Tales of the Most Merciless Gods, Monsters, Heroes, Villains, and Mythical Creatures Ever Envisioned PDF

By Ben Thompson

From sex-crazed gods to starving monsters, Ben Thompson brings mythical titans to lifestyles in stories of experience, bloodlust, and unrelenting badassitude.

because the starting of human historical past humans have created myths, tall stories, superheroes, and arch-villains—men and girls who launched into insane adventures, played impressive feats of unprecedented awesomeness, and overcame all odds to violently smite their foes into bloody pulp. In Badass: The start of a Legend, Ben Thompson compiles those fantastical stories from the start of time to at the present time and tells them within the thoroughly over-the-top demeanour during which they have been meant, together with:

Rama
The Indian god-king who led a military of monkeys opposed to the King of All Demons

Thor
The Viking god of thunder and extraordinary hair, who overwhelmed the skulls of giants with a ridiculously large hammer

Beowulf
An Anglo-Saxon hero so hardcore he may perhaps arm-wrestle monsters' joints out in their sockets

Moby-Dick
The hate-filled literary behemoth who obliterated send hulls together with his face

Skuld
The Norse necromancer queen who summoned a horde of zombie berserkers

Dirty Harry Callahan
The prototypical modern day antihero and extremely embodiment of badass

From Publishers Weekly
In his first ebook, Badass, Thompson, author of the website badassoftheweek.com, serious about warlords, samurai, pirates, and gunfighters who really existed; during this follow-up, he turns to mythological badasses all through background. From Anubis and Zeus to Capt. James T. Kirk and Godzilla, Thompson provides distinct and adrenaline-fueled screeds on forty characters "whose tales of ball-crushing conquest are nonetheless striking sufficient to make even the tamest readers are looking to clutch up a sword and move looking for dragon meat." matters contain El Chupacabra ("this freakadelic ass-reaming spawn of Satan"); Diomedes ("the wanton slaughter of faceless jobbers is simply the start of awesomeness"); and, in a long-overdue tribute, the Daleks from general practitioner Who ("these murderous, computerized salt-shakers are vile constructs of natural evil"). thankfully, the publication comprises badass girls in addition to males, and Thompson's overheated prose rises even additional whilst describing the Indian goddess Kali: "When she's now not eating the entrails of the gods, getting under the influence of alcohol on human blood, appearing her Dance of Annihilation... she shoots blood out of her mouth like a fireplace hose... she's pretty well the main completely steel being ever." (Mar.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

About the Author
Ben Thompson has run the warhammer of an internet site badassoftheweek.com for the reason that 2004, and has written funny history-related columns for shops similar to Cracked, Fangoria, Penthouse, and the yank Mustache Institute. even if he's by no means flown a jetpack over the Atlantic Ocean or punched an individual so challenging that his head exploded, he's thought of via many to be the world's most desirable specialist on badassitude. His first publication, Badass, was once published in 2009.

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In a stunning flip of occasions, the Seven towns, that have been supposedly based through seven prosperous bishops who had fled Portugal after the Moorish invasions within the 9th century, weren’t there, and Coronado needed to accept plundering six mud-constructed Pueblo villages in its place. It simply wasn’t a similar. EL DORADO Here’s a enjoyable fact—El Dorado wasn’t a spot; it was once a man. in line with legend, the “Gilded guy” was once a South American king who coated himself in gold airborne dirt and dust yearly, sailed out to the heart of a major lake, threw a host of treasure into the water, after which washed off his Goldfinger-style paint activity by means of cannonballing off the royal barge into the water. The Spaniards figured that if this man might come up with the money for to coat himself in gold yearly, he most likely had a beautiful dope treasure someplace, so dozens of expeditions plowed groin-first into the Amazon rain woodland trying to find this loopy eccentric freak and his supposedly never-ending shops of gold (and cinnamon, simply because who controls the spice controls the universe). The Conquistadors encountered unending probability within the type of ailment, mutiny from their cutthroat mercenary infantrymen, and constant assaults via vicious tribes of local warrior-women (this, by the way, is the place the Amazon River will get its name), yet by no means came upon this loopy bastard or his gold. 15 FINN McCOOL His braveness rose and he quickened his arms and he plied his blows, in order that his chook of valor arose over the breath of the royal warrior, in order that crowds of warriors have been not able to face opposed to his prowess, in order that males fell around his knee and a heap of them used to be piled up of their maimed-bodied and bloody-truncated necks and clutter of gore anyplace he might cross into the battle…and the crushing of thighs and shinbones and halves of heads below the sting of his sword within the conflict was once just like the smiting of a smith within the forge, or just like the uproar of withered timber cracking…the royal warrior by no means ceased from that onset till the battalion of the “pillars” was once annihilated either through slaughter and flight. —THE VIOLENT loss of life OF FINN ANY dialogue concerning the nice BADASSES OF IRELAND’S FOLKLORE HAS to say the guy BELIEVED by means of MANY TO BE the most important, hardest, AND such a lot EPIC HERO TO EVER GRACE THE EMERALD ISLE together with his measurement forty seven BOOTS, UNBELIEVABLY FOUL mood, AND one of many GREATEST-SOUNDING NAMES OF ALL TIME FINN MCCOOL. Finn’s legend starts off again within the 3rd century. Cumhaill, Finn’s pops, used to be a ruthless warrior who served in a hardcore organization of knights and squaddies often called the Fianna. in the future, Cumhaill made up our minds he desired to marry the daughter of a strong, high-ranking Druid, however the Druid wasn’t too partial to this and he replied to Cumhaill’s request by way of giving him the finger and whacking him within the crunch relatively challenging with a shillelagh. Cumhaill, being the fearless, face-wrecking hardass that he was once, wasn’t going to be dissuaded through whatever as pathetic as a bone-shattering cudgel blow to the relatives jewels, so he busted into the Druid’s condo in the midst of the evening, grabbed the woman, and carried her off into the darkness.

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